‘I won’t be a person who’s horrible, bashing people about.’
‘I’m worried that it’s going to go down. I’m usually quite white, upper.’
In these ways Anna talks about her depression and the anger., both of which she wants to manage still.
Her language is original but logical – it is common enough to talk of black moods but not of being white – eg, cheerful.
She cannot manage her moods, of course, or her behaviour all of the time. In this she is like anyone else. She does not remember the details of her outbursts but she remembers having them.
A week ago I went to a funeral, a lovely old lady called Ursie Smith., who had become a bit confused herself. I did not take Anna because of the crowds, an impressive send off for an 85 year old. I have just got a letter from her husband, Bill, who describes their last meeting, last summer, how Anna got to her feet and moved towards Ursie and stood by her, as Ursie sat, interested, attracted, warmed towards her, something mutual.
I have wondered about the friendships that could develop. Perhaps that is what day centres are for: Anna certainly was interested in one or two of the clients, the few times she attended. But I think a day centre is too groupish to allow real friendships easily. I have in mind very small clusters, perhaps two or three people living locally, sharing a support group perhaps. It would no be easy. There was a neighbour, who wanted to be a volunteer, who came to see us a couple of times, brought her knitting. But Anna turned against her, when I was away, and we lost her.