‘He is too old for me’. This was the reassuring comment that the carer Joanna made to Anna. It is a difficult thought, but Anna the jealous wife is wary of the women who have come into our life. Sometimes she thinks that all women must be after me – no cheap jokes, please – or more painfully that I will be after them, as she senses the loss of her own capacity to flirt, to charm, to seduce. (Though she has very successfully used that charm to get doctors and other professionals to lisdten to her, even now. As the psychiatrist , a woman, said to her recently, you have style.)
But sexuality is still an issue, as she struggles to hold on to her place in the world. There are two young carers, Joanna and Marta, Polish, who sit with Anna some mornings and afternoons. They have a special patience and respect with Anna, which means that they are good at the job. They need this patience because often she will look angry when she first sees them, ask what they are doing in her house, and may be restless for an hour, before she relaxes with them.
It was on one of these times yesterday that Joanna reassured her that I am too old for her. It will be all right as long as we can be light-hearted about these things, for the passions below are very real. ‘You want to leave. You hate me.’ No amount of reassurance takes away the fear.