It is easy to see why I find some of the Buddhist ways of thinking are helpful. On Sunday I went on a retreat. It was father’s day, which is not specially relevant, but Dan stayed with Anna, so I could go and sit on my butt and also do walking meditation in a school grounds, and it seems they had quite a calming day too.
The teacher - Yanai Postelnik – made a distinction between reacting and responding to what is going on around you. His theme was, responding to the way things are. In my words, finding a way to accept without being passively fatalistic. Living with dementia needs to maintain that distinction, somehow.
Another thought: the pain is in our reaction, not the thing itself. I agree but that is difficult to practice. In a similar way, it is difficult, using psychoanalytic language, to take back projections. On denial he said: when we push away experience, we push ourselves away from experience.
One thing Yanai said got a laugh. If we are going nowhere, we might as well stop and enjoy it. This makes me think about quality of life questions and dementia. There are ways we have quite a good time – some of the time – though that means taking pleasure in simple things. Anna is calmer again, after a very difficult two weeks. And at times it is a pleasure to sit with her and experience her appreciation of having a drink or looking forward to seeing an old friend.
Her short term memory may be shot but she can still look forward.