End of the story. In brief:

Anna died peacefully at home on Friday 18 May. For six months of NHS continuing care she had just about all the support and care that she needed. When she could no longer walk, we had a hospital bed, a hoist, a recliner chair – a shower chair to take Anna to the bathroom. The local authority carers continued to come in four times day. (Anne was coming for four and a half years. Such continuity and persistence made other things possible.) We had live-in carers, Lucy, Margaret, Selina, who became part of the household. Lynn came three days a week, talking and laughing and making Anna laugh. Joanna continued to come afternoons to give the other carers a break. In the last month, there were a couple of crises, with emergency services wanting to take Anna into hospital. The first time it took six hours to get her safely home. The second time we resisted successfully. There was an emergency review and an advance care plan to allow Anna to stay at home. In the last month we had oxygen and medication in reserve, if needed, and district nurses to call on – even at 10.00 pm. In the last week doctors visited, the psychiatrist, the GP, the palliative care consultant.
And on the last day Anne washed her hair as usual. I came home at lunchtime from a work meeting and Joanna was with her – her breathing was becoming difficult. And after three hours she just – stopped.

I will want to tell this story. Someone with dementia does not lose her humanity - though it can be put under threat by others. Health and social care professionals have no problem working together when they have common cause in looking after a person –and when managers don’t stop them.

The biggest honour I received was when they recategorised me from carer – a seductive title full of menace – to service provider, the same as them.

May she rest in peace.